Like handfuls of sand

Before I am to begin yet another tale, I’ll begin by saying that friendship is a hard definition, a concept as hard to grasp and hold onto as a hot handful of sand on the beach. One second you have everything figured out and in the palms of your hands, while unknowingly letting grains slip through your fingertips. I say this to remind you that I have once felt the same way, with all the friends in the world that I thought were always going to be there for me. But of course that’s not how this tale is going to go.

When I first moved out I knew that I had a year to finish my AA in order to get back on schedule with my life. On the other hand I still wanted the entire college experience, with parties, late night cramming, friendships that last a lifetime. But see that was my first problem, my expectations of college were way too high, and my longing for someone close after a year at home and alone, was my main problem.

My first group of friends from college branched out from my girlfriends friends from the year before, but also included my best friends from back home that decided to come with me. I found out more about myself within the next couple of months then I had in my entire lifetime. I had secrets that I thought I was going to take to my grave, I was blackmailed, ignored, blocked and heart broken by the end of the year.

It’s weird to think that in college you’ll still have to deal with social media, and gossip problems- even if you know what they are saying is the truth about you. It still hurts to remember all of the unfortunate late night calls, and heart felt text that were twisted and changed so that the only people that knew the truth was me… and her.

The important lesson of it all was that the friends that came out the other end were going to stand with me through thick and thin.

What I am trying to say is that friends come and go. You’ll fuck up in college, you’ll have your heart broken, and you might even fall in love, but the lesson is that everything changes. And if you don’t like how things are changing in the first place, don’t just sit around and wait for everything to change, make the change yourself.

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Much Love C.S. Mann


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