Spring Break 2016… what can I say about this break that was different? Everything. Normally I stay home and spend time with my family, and watch my siblings so that my mom can still go to work and not lose vacation days, but this year was different. This was to be my first big spring break in college, and I wanted to do it with a bang. I decided to buy a cruise ticket to the Bahamas with one of my new friends. But I had no idea what that would turn into.

After we first bought our tickets I was kinda of worried about all of the things that could go wrong being alone with just one other person in a different country, but soon my I was reassured. Some of my sorority sisters were going to be going on the same ship as me, which meant more people that would be looking out for me. But I was slowly slipping back into bad times, and had yet to realize it.

Day one of being on the cruise we partied pretty hard, and it seemed like we were finally going to have the spring break we had been looking forward to for weeks. Soon I was unable to even move from all the free drinks by the pool, and party favors, and then one of the worst things that could happen to someone happened. I will admit that I flirted with the guy to get some free drinks as advice from every girl that I came with, but I didn’t know what the price for that was.

The girl that I had came with to the hot tub decided to leave for a couple of minutes, to probably reup herself, and thats when it happened. He was no longer just handing me drinks, or telling me funny stories he was all over me, and then he was grabbing me and soon in me. It all happened so quickly, and with everything that happened before was slurry even as it was happening. But as quickly as it began it ended, as my friend came back. It was as though nothing had happened, yet I was sick to my stomach.

I fought ever urge I had from throwing up, and even as my friend sat inches away from me, she was unaware of what was happening to me still. Beneath the water he was trying again. How could this be happening, how did I let this happen, and why couldn’t I move still? ¬†With everything that I had I stumbled out of the hot tub, and away to my room where I stayed for the rest of the night. This was my first night on the cruise.

The second day went better, which is all I wanted to happen. We docked on an island and they let everyone off, warning everyone to just be back my midnight. I felt as though the day before had been nothing more than a nightmare that was now following me with every step I took. My ” friend” was now doing more and more favors, which I joined eager to start the vacation on this day instead.

We stumbled off the boat and onto land, with two guys that we had meet that were closer to our age and, and attended the same university as us. They proved to be real gentlemen as they helped us through the rain, and even showed us some cool local places. everything was looking up, but i couldn’t shake the feeling that I had no idea what happened to me yesterday. Had I been drugged first? Maybe. How could I have been so stupid?

We found the local bar that was famous for their yardstick drinks, and soon the combination of the day, and everything else was making me a different person. I wanted to let everything go, to just be okay again. So I did the only thing that made since in that drunkin fucked up state. I hooked up with the only person who had been paying attention to me, the only person who was at least trying to make me feel better.It didn’t really make me feel better, but it was nice to not be alone, or having attacks.

The last day on the cruise we went to one last island, and I had been ditched by everyone for being so destructive and upset. So I drank and tanned, until I met a couple on the beach that were covered in tattoos from head to toe, even though they were well into their 40s. When we returned to the cruise I found my friend with the guys we had been hanging out with, but the guy who I had just hooked up with was no longer interested in me. It turns out that friend who had left me in the hot tub the first night, the friend who had not listened to my problems, the friend who had left me and now apparently had told the boy that I was a lying cheating son of a bitch had been talking to him, and now he wanted nothing to do with me. This is how i spent the last night of my cruise. Alone and crying.


Happy fucking spring break.

Much love,